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Home > Ppphhhffftttt, Gadzooks and Darnation!!

Ppphhhffftttt, Gadzooks and Darnation!!

March 19th, 2008 at 01:22 pm



edited to add:

Adding to the $20 CHALLENGE
$006.08 balance
+000.20 found on keyboard
_______
$006.28 March MTD

2008 Challenge Total $60.72
Cumulative Challenge Total $589.33

/end edit
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You might say I am a selfish woman.

I admit it.

I want to sleep at night.

Not to worry about money.

Do I want scads and scads of it? I wouldn't be opposed, but I'm not obsessed with having money for money's sake but the idea of having my financial life in order does carry a certain appeal. You know?

I do not think I am alone in this. Surely there are many MANY women who feel that security is important? And they want to know when their family has reached it???

Ladies am I right??

Anyone????

The Hubster and I - We are stuck in the same conversation we get into all the time.

Hubster is **(double digit) older than I and our time-frames for investing for the both of us has to be coalesced into a working order that covers needs of BOTH of our projected lifespans AND takes into consideration our differing risk tolerances.

Noting that I'm generally more of the risk taker and he's super conservative.

IOW, trying to decide on a joint investment strategy is quite different in a May/December marriage than it is in say a Dec/Dec marriage. Or a moderate growth/moderate risk tolerance marriage!

Try finding research or advice on how to do May/Dec retirement investing and see the dead air space where such information should be (Google reposited thank you very much) and you'll come up empty handed!

Add a big sprinkling of the fact that Hubster doesn't like to read or keep too informed on the topics of finances and investing makes it difficult at times to persuade someone to move forward w/ a planned proactive methodology.

We just touched on that subject again last night. I am a reader. Big Time. I read oodles and oodles. He reads zip, zero, nada. He can, he just refuses to do it for knowledge building. If someone at work broaches the subject of finances or investing, fine. If he hears something on the news, great. Then we can discuss, but if I find a relevant article.

He.will.NOT.read.it!

ARRRRRGHH - my frustration level is tapped out, because although I homeschooled my children I am not an educator* at heart and, as it takes me an inordinate amount of study time to EFFECTUALLY give someone verbally (I'm more of a writer, INFJ remember?) at-the-rise/drop-of the market, the background reasoning for why XYZ-abc+123=BAD MOVE at this time, on the spur of the moment and off the cuff.

[The above paragraph was taken almost verbatim from last night's financial discussion!]

GIANT point of frustration for me, but perhaps I should just be thankful that his general lack of interest makes me become a more informed investor in order to discuss the topic with him when it does come up! I just get frustrated at trying to do it all extemporaneously, which I truly SUCK AT!!

*No, Virginia, there is no educator here. I am an autodidactic lifelong learning fanatic, FACILITATOR w/a heavy penchant for research. Thus my librarian tendencies. Imagine my frustration in finding out he's interested in owning gold and taking my knowledge of the subject (admittedly small) but I do have a nice personally assembled - because I think at heart I could be a gold bug - $green$ notebook full of information on gold mining stocks & ETFs that I have assembled and keep updated then adding in my penchant to find people the information that they need to make INFORMED decisions only to be met w/someone on the other end who refuses to read it after I've found it!

Gadzooks & DARNATION!!!

That he's the man who has hitched his wagon to my star and is supposed to have my financial best interests at heart...well PHhhhFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTT!!!

To his credit he does take a hands off approach for the most part while often acknowledging that most of the investing we are doing will be for MY benefit in the long term. He does admit that I'm the one who will likely beneft the most.

However, that isn't exactly true as I've tried to point out. Having our financial lives in order at any time should give BOTH OF US peace of mind, knowing that health care costs could be covered, prescriptions could be filled, that we might get to a place where LTC insurance could be purchased for the both of us, that we can get ourselves buried, continue eating into old age, etc., etc., etc. and that life could go on for any survivor should help BOTH OF US sleep a little better at night, IMHO.

I don't have any answers to my personal dilema here. But did need a nice place to vent. My fellow SavingAdvice.com forumites and bloggers will probably understand. Won't you???

I am a selfish woman. I want financial peace for not only myself, but my family as well. I don't want the kiddos to have to do a bunch of grunt work that we could've taken care of with some prudent COOPERATIVE planning! I don't want to be forced to make medical decisions later in his life based on whether or not we can afford it. I want to come along side my Hubster and help him make financial decisions that work for BOTH OF US!

I'm wishing right about now we had a video camera. Why? Perhaps if we video taped our financial conversations and family business meetings, documenting them w/either video or by taking corporate secretary type of notes we'd go farther in excuting a plan that could become more formalized and reviewable.

I just want to get out of loop mode where we're constantly going over the same ground.

What do you guys do to tag-team your couple finances FORWARD???

8 Responses to “Ppphhhffftttt, Gadzooks and Darnation!!”

  1. aevans1206 Says:
    1205934075

    Well, my husband is double digits older than me as well. He has, um, kind of frittered away a large number of years doing I don't know what. His mother lives off of social security--I don't believe he's really been taught how to engage in or plan for life. The point here, really being, is that we DON'T discuss retirement because he probably never will retire. However, it has been discussed that MY retirement is an important thing for which to plan because I'll be around longer than he. Because I'm the one responsible for our finances (scary, indeed), I make most of the decisions, although, I do discuss with my husband about major ones. I know how you feel, though.

  2. Broken Arrow Says:
    1205937207

    Of course we understand your predicament. Even guys worry about financial security. Big Grin (Some, I've observed, just don't prioritize it as highly as they really should....)

    I don't like constantly revisiting the same old issues either. It just reminds me that not much progress has been made.

    While finances do need to be in sync, is there any way to manage it as two separate financial plans?

  3. merch Says:
    1205938107

    I was actually thinking about this the other day. My wife is more of the conservative investor while I have no qualms about playing in the option arena. With that said, I plan on give my wife the emergency fund and conservative part of the portfolio to mange (money market account, CD, and bond funds). She also has access to all my accounts even though she never looks. I usually give her a summary statement of everything (just something in excel that I might switch to MS Money).

    Anyway, the goal is she will feel secure knowing that we have this chunk of money that she manages that will be very safe. She also worked with me on the allocation of our portfolio (what percentage growth, international, REIT, etc.). We review these from time to time and discuss what we want to do.

    The end result, I get to manage the section that I like, she feels safe because she manages the conservative piece, she knows how big (or small) the whole pie is, and we agreed on our risk structure.

    Just my thoughts.

  4. luxlivingfrugalis Says:
    1205939800

    B.A., separate financial plans - that would work to some extent BETTER if I was employed. At some time in the near future that MIGHT happen. Then I would intend to go as gazelle intense on fully funding a 401-K & estate planning as you did on old SallieMae!

    But, as a married couple not everything can be just ignored til WHATEVER (insert crisis dujour here) pops up. Some things need 'educated' decision making applied sooner rather than later. I'm thinking titling of properties, life insurance plans, living wills, end of life health care wishes, etc.

    If the closing on FIL's house comes about in the next couple of weeks as scheduled then there will be another sizable chunk of change incoming to be decided what to do with. I'm trying to get his thoughts on current USA's countrywide financial escapades in line w/our old asset allocation reasoning + increased networth into one DOABLE set of trades or paperwork OR switching around for a new asset allocation that isn't necessarily about timing the market, but based, like I said, on a reasoned EDUCATED and carefully considered P.L.A.N. which also includes our discussed starting of a charitable giving trust. I need a partner to walk beside me, not me dragging him along trying to convince while we go that we're headed in the right direction for the both of us.

    BTW, this is nothing that I haven't discussed with him MANY TIMES. And, at least currently, he still isn't willing to go to a fee-based financial planner. BUT, I'm planning on winning that argument! Big Grin

  5. zenith Says:
    1205944779

    Hmmmm . . . Lux, I have the same problem with my DH. It is so hard to talk about money sometimes.
    I do suggest ASKING him if he would do "such and such" or "this and this." My husband hates it if he thinks I am TELLING him what to do.
    I have just got him to our lawyer to do our will, living will, power-of-attorney, etc. And we are in our 50s! Just listening to Dave Ramsey and reading info here have got me inspired to do these things. My DH does not listen to Dave or ready this website, so, he is not thinking about it as much as I am all the time.
    Like, right now, my DH does not have any life insurance. He loves to tease me and has suggested that I remarry soon if he kicks off. It really got to me. That was his plan for me if something should happen to him? Everyday I think about how we should be trying to get him some life insurance, but it will be costly because he smokes and has some heart problems.
    But, he just thinks we can't afford it! HELLO!@ We can't afford those stupid cigarettes either!
    But, my point is. Why doesn't he think of these things on his own?
    It makes me so mad!
    I know my husband loves me and wants the best for me, but he is so far in denial he can't see it.
    Well, I am taking my own opportunity to vent here.
    I am just responding to your entry, that yes, it is not easy for me either.
    It is very important. So, I would suggest what I plan on doing for myself. I leave my financial books just lying around and he eventually picks them up and reads them. Then it's like he has discovered something on his own.
    I am also like you, in that, I can write a lot better than I can voice what I am trying to say. So, maybe leave some of your research lying around.
    To sum it up. Keep trying. Try different approaches. Use your feminine wiles to get what you want! Hey, it has worked for many women! Ha!

  6. homebody Says:
    1205953535

    Ugh! Marriage and Money! We are opposites investment wise, but the same age.... I'm the conservative one. DH likes to buy stocks from "tips" from a friend. To be fair, he has had winners and losers just like conservative old me. Unfortunately day to day I handle everything and I'm the one saying "no". We are really good at avoiding discussions that cause arguments including money. I actually need to post a note about this in my own blog....

  7. boomeyers Says:
    1205960029

    I am married to a "head in the sand" guy. Whenever I suggest something financially he automatically says "No". Then, he says that since I watch so many financial shows and read so many financial books, should'nt I have all of this under control? Hunh? Without being able to put it into practice, it ai'nt gonna happen. This goes way back to the beginning of our marriage. And he is six days younger than me! So, sorry BA, but I think this is more of a "guys are resistant to change" (unless your are merch).

  8. Broken Arrow Says:
    1205967961

    Hehe, no need to be sorry. Guys are indeed very resistant to change, and this is especially true with me. But that's not such a bad thing if a guy wants to be financially responsible to begin with, right? Big Grin

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